i feel stressed sometimes..
due to many reasons..
and sometimes i juz wanna share it with my friends..
but some are just too busy to slow down their foot steps to listen..
its not that i dun care..
but i choose not to care..
its not that i dont know..
i choose to pretend that i dont know..
its not that im ignorant, but how i look at things in another perspective..

i have so much so much inside me..
that its soo full that im going to burst..
life is never easy,
i understand that its full of ups and downs..
but till now..
i have experienced 1 up and many downs.....
in fact countless..
is this how god is trying to make me realise how fortunate and lucky i had been when i was up?
and now im too obessed with tying to get back to my past and dwelling on the things that will never come.
yes, i have already come to realise that i had been so lucky at that period of time,
i was very happy at that time..
but that happiness did not last..
all that came after that was waves of disasters and curses that swept away all my confidence, character and personailty.

all i have left is a skeleton of pride, a high, thick wall of defence and hopefully, HOPE, so as to built up my long lost confidence and that cheerful character.


nobody like to wear a mask everyday...
and pleasing everyone is really tiring..
its not that im not trying to be myself.
Being myself now is not the same as being myself last time..
time has already changed how i should be myself...
being myself is now trying my very best to please everyone except for myself so as to minimise conflicts and other things.
being myself means to try to ignore and pretend nothing has happened when i clearly remember and know what is happening.
and those things would repeat itself like a nightmare every night haunting me like a ghost..

yes, i have been more paranoid...
but im really trying hard to stop it..
but once somethings have happened..
its really hard to erase and the remains of it would just live with you forever..