Have been feeling so stressed, so suffocated recently. Worried about production and all. It made me sleep really bad. I would wake up in the middle of the night several times. Making me feel so so tired in the day Disappointment just follows me every single day. And that is accompanied by frustration, depression and helplessness. I hope to find the drive I have like 3 years ago, the drive to work like crazy with the passion and determination to work. Maybe its just me, I just born jian. When I have no one, no security, it drives me to push and work hard.Now when I'm a little happier, its all gone.... Many a times I pray, pray really really hard to God. Praying that he can help me. Help me in my career, to achieve the lifestyle I want. I know I have to push on, but it just seem so freaking hard and every single day the thought of quitting will run thru my mind. Should I quit and move on? Should I press on further? I try my best not to be affected. But emotional Eileen just has to be there to spoil everything.

i try very hard not to be affected. But everytime when i see her. It sets me on this jealousy mode.

She made me feel useless and incompetent.

Just took up a new job recently..
So 2 full time jobs, 1 full time study....
v xiong but also not v xiong at times..

I dont know..
I dont know which is causing me to feel so... depressed..

Job 1: Tiring job that makes me dread going to work.. facing the calls, the unexpected.. The negativity.
Job 2: Challenging job that makes me feel so stressed. Job is something that im used to.. but its sometimes so hard that it makes me shrink too..

School is so relaxing.. untill now..when my exams are coming...

Sometimes, the world is so small..
I met this lady, she was working in the same job as me..
And one day, she shared her testimony.. Her son commited suicide a few years back..
Although it happened really long ago.. i could feel that heart wrenching pain that she was feeling when she shared.

And concidentally, she used to live opposite my block and went to the church i always thought of going but never did.

I cant go to church without someone going with me.. it just feels so weird.. to go there and just join them so abruptly. So i go to different churches whenever i had company.. But it never occured to me to go there.

Sometimes, i feel that this is a sign.
A sign that god gave me.. to tell me to go back to church...
And now im going to this church praying much more thn usual...
I can feel more peace in my heart.

Once, i was so depressed, i was crying in the office. In a small corner...
When i heard footsteps, i quickly dried my tears and pretended everything was normal..
But she came and all she said was" Oh i just passed by and i just want to give u a hug.. Persevere on and dont give up"

That time, i really felt that she was sent by God to me.. To show me the way..
Why would i feel so warm from a random someone which i have met less than 10 times?
Fate. Such a wonderful thing huh?

Im going bangkok tomorrow!!
im so excited!!
Gona throw all my clothes and replace them with new ones!!!
BANGKOK HERE I COME!!

Eileen is very happy today!!:D

Grumpy Aunty V.S Ah Lian

I read the recent stomp news about the incident over the grumpy auntie and ah lian.
I CANT HELP BUT FEEL THAT THE GRUMPY AUNTIE IS SO F***ING ANNOYING..

1)People give her sit already, what else she want? RED CARPET TO OFFER HER THE SEAT?

2)She dare to say the "ah lian" no manners, what about her? Scolding the lady after she gave up her seat does not display any form of good manners NOR good upbringing.

3) She scold the lady saying that shes from china, i doubt she any better thn any china immigrants we have in Singapore and i'd rather have 10 of them then 1 of this kind of grumpy aunty.

4) Stupid aunty even wanted to take picture of the lady not knowing that some1 have flimed the whole process down. And now many are commenting on how ridiculous the AUNTY is, not the lady.

What is wrong with that aunty? Got the seat not happy?
DONT SIT LA.

Sit also not happy, Stand also not happy. WHY?  Got piles right? Thats why she cant sit down and be satisfied with her seat. Its a PRIORTY SEAT not a COMPULSORY seat for her.


Once i had a similar encounter. I was on my way to work and was crossing pass citylink. It was pretty crowded and there was this old man standing in front of me. So as i was walking, i walked passed him and just nice stood in front of him in the escalator. Old man started scolding...

Saying " why in a hurry etc rush rush rush etc"

I DID NOT push him when i was walking and yes i was walking rather quickly coz i was gona b late for work. THAT STUPID OLD MAN SCOLD ME FOR WHAT?

These people, u have plenty of time to waste and can take all your time to walk. BUT im in a hurry, so i walk faster. U GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
I really cant be bothered to quarrel with him as i was gona b late for work. IF i had a little extra time,I WOULD SCOLD HIM BACK.

TO THE GRUMPY AUNTY, UNCLES AND OLD PEOPLE,
we dont owe you 1 million dollars. If you children dont give you money, u not happy, NOT our problem. You haven had a good sex life for years, not happy ALSO not our problem.

If you feel grumpy all the time, please stay at home, look at the mirror and scold that bitch or bastard inside. They feel the same way as you do and they need someone to scold them to wake them up.

And again, i havent been blogging for the longest time..

Its not that i dont have time..

but i have too many updates in my life that i dont bother to anymore.

Maybe i lost interest in blogging?

i dont know..

after all, i do hope i can look at this in future and laugh at the silly things i did.

Well updates updates updates..

1) Entered new sem in sch with major exceptions

2) Studied 3 subjects in 1 sem only and v happy about it

3) 1 group mate suddenly MIA and 2 weeks later told us his leave of absence is approved for the entire sem.. holy crap for us.

4) Cheionged project finally finished and apply for job

5) training happens to be on the day where i had to do shitty presentation

6) Presentation was shit and negative comments by audience were longer thn duration of presentaion FML

7) Made awesome friends and some pisses me off so much i wanna kill him

8) Forced by grace to help her perform for Impresario thingy and almost shit my pants (dress) when i was on stage (grace u owe me 1)

9) Work in ** and another senior guy made me feel like an ant coz i know so little about the product knowledge ( grace called him an egoistic ass)

Yup basically that was the major stuff that happened..

so im happily working with grace now and the not so happy thing is that im the noobest there.

I was like damn unhappy abt it coz i hate being the stupidest there. And im not stupid in general. Im just not taught well enough.

K enuogh of bullshiting coz i have got another essay to hand up on the 4 April which i have no mood to do currently and am going to it now since im gona work 2morw.

BYE BYE ALL AND PLEASE DONT CALL THE CALL CENTRES FROM NOW ON SO THAT I CAN HAVE A BREAK.

just kidding. I will prob hunt u down and kill u if u called in... HAHAHAHA

Finally have the mood to blog..
and im gona complain again.
but seriously, this time im like kind of give up on my mum alr.
who else can tahan her?
haiz..
no mood to do anything when i see her seriously.
wanna happy also no mood.
watch funshion she also scold.
i didnt even talk to her.
I GIVE UP.

But anyway, i have been really fat recently.
maybe bf feed me too much already.
thn i grew fatter and fatter...
now he wants me to wear cheongsam for new year.
so fat how to wear cheongsam?
i seriously trying to lose weight alr. but cannot, thn how?

For cny, i made my own nails again.
duno is becoz of bad mood or wad, i knew that the crystals will drop often, even on the day itself.
but i duno when it dropped, i seriously bad mood and it got worse.
ARGH. duno whats wrong with me. maybe pms coming, so lidat.
i hope i get better...